The bad feeling...

Sometimes i find it hard to breath
this anxiety is stifiling
bad dreams and old memeries haunt me
i can feel the filth on my skin
the touches that wont wash away
i feel dirty
why did they do this to me
i was only a child
i was asleep
awoken by a shake
you told me to move over
i complied
what happened next
i try to forget
but theses images keep haunting me
for hours and years after i've tried to
wash you from my skin
but its no use
im tainted
and to this day i weep
im guarded
i can't, won't let anyone get close
in fear of being used
do you see the pain you've caused
have you felt my tear stained sheets
felt my damp pillows
did you hear my silent screams
no
beacause shhhhhh you siad dont tell anyone
you made me feel guilty
but i have done nothing
but cover this up
try to keep breathing
and fight through my anxiety